I Drive Myself Crazy
by TheAnnoyingVoice
Summary: Roxas spends his nights thinking of how he rejected Axel after he suddenly kissed him in school. He tries to reason with himself that he isn't gay and that he has a girlfriend, but why does he keep thinking of how sad Axel looked? Why does he feel so guilty? Will he come to his senses, or will he lose Axel forever?


**Author's Note:** Hello, long time no post! I apologize for huge gap of nothingness from me for uh... like a year now. Long story short, life got really busy. I'm still pretty busy, actually, and sadly do not have the time nor motivation to write a new story for AkuRoku Day. So, I decided to look at some of my old, unpublished stories that have been lying around collecting dust in my folder.

This is not beta'd and was originally a song-story, but I just took out the elements that made it that way. Hopefully it's good enough until I have the time and ability to write a new and more epic story.

And now, without further ado, I give you... the story.

* * *

 **I Drive Myself Crazy**

Roxas looked at the digital clock beside his bed. It was almost 2 and he couldn't sleep. It was the third night this week. He sighed and rolled on to his back and looked up at his ceiling only to see Axel's smiling face. He shut his eyes but he still saw him. Roxas clenched his teeth and rolled on to his stomach now, eyes still closed. No matter how much he tried he couldn't get Axel out of his head. He was remembering a few days ago at school, Roxas was at his locker and Axel came up to him saying something that just made the blond roll his eyes and turn away. But Axel continued to be immature and then out of no where he grabbed Roxas, spun him around and kissed him deeply. And then as suddenly as it happened, the redhead released him and walked away quickly, leaving Roxas to stand there and wonder what the hell just happened.

* * *

Roxas rolled on to his other side and opened his eyes as he thought about the day after Axel kissed him. He had been at his locker once again when he spotted Axel coming down the hall. He quickly grabbed his stuff and shut his locker, starting off as fast as he could. That kiss the other day had made things awkward and Roxas didn't really want to talk about it. But any chance of escaping was gone as the redhead caught up with him and spun him around as he had done before, but this time there were tears in his eyes. He got down on his knees his hands shaking as he took Roxas' hand. Axel swallowed and looked up at Roxas.

"I lie awake, I drive myself crazy thinking of you. I drive myself crazy wanting you the way that I do."

* * *

Roxas sat up and wiped away tears that suddenly formed. He looked up at the ceiling again and still saw Axel, but this time he wasn't smiling, the tears that Roxas remembered seeing on his face were there now. They glistened in the dark, and fell on the blond. Roxas blinked and raised a hand to his face, it was damp with tears. Axel's tears.

* * *

Roxas felt sick as he remembered telling Axel he was sorry, but he wasn't gay and he never would be. He had Namine anyways. All Axel did was slowly stand, silent sobs wracking his body. It was horrible, it was pitiful, it was stupid. Axel loved him, Roxas pushed him away. It was all Roxas' fault. He always told Axel and everyone else that he and Axel were the best of friends, but really, what had Roxas done to prove his friendship?

But that was the point. Roxas had done absolutely nothing.

Roxas finally fell asleep, but it wasn't a pleasant one. He dreamt that he was outside Heaven's gates waiting to be judged. When it was his turn the angel glared at him when Roxas told him his name. Roxas blinked and stepped back a bit.

"You're not allowed in. You did something horrible back on Earth and now you will be cast into the fiery pits of Hell."

"But I don't understand! I've never stole, never lied…well ok, I've lied, but who doesn't?"

The angel didn't look impressed.

"I've never cheated, and I've always helped others in need!" Roxas continued, determined to make the angel see he deserved to be in Heaven.

"Yes, but did you help the one person who needed you the most?"

Roxas gave the angel an odd look. "What do you mean?"

"There's a boy back on earth." Roxas only raised an eyebrow as if to say 'yeah, get on with it.'

"His name's Axel. He loved you ever since eighth grade. But you just pushed him away." The angel explained, arms crossed.

"He was always trying to molest me though," Roxas tried to defend himself. "Besides, I'm not gay, and I liked Namine."

"All he wanted was for you to pay attention to him, to be more of a friend since you so cruelly pushed him away." The angel continued. "But you didn't even do that."

Roxas was beginning to have a real hate on for this mother fuc—er heh, he was in Heaven, not a good idea to swear. But the point was this angel's head has been up in the clouds for too long. Why couldn't he see Roxas had no interest in guys? And why was he accusing him of not being a friend to Axel?

"You're just fucked up," Roxas grumbled angrily regardless of the fact he was in Heaven. "It was my life not yours."

The angel glared again, but then smirked. "It's people like you that make realize that I shouldn't have to feel bad for you." He rolled his eyes then snapped his fingers and two bigger looking angels came out and took hold of Roxas' arms. "Burn in Hell."

Roxas looked around as he felt himself being dragged away. His eyes widened in fear as he caught sight of the pit where people dubbed as, 'Demons' were being shoved in. His heart jumped into his throat. He couldn't block out the screams, the horrible screams of terror and pain. As he got closer he could look into the pit, a seemingly dark endless hole, but if he squinted he was able to see a soft orange glow at the bottom. Fire. The Pits of Hell.

He spun around eyes filled with fear. "Please don't do this! Give me a second chance! I don't want to—" He was cut off as someone pushed him roughly from behind and he tumbled into the pit.

Falling…falling…falling…screaming.

* * *

Roxas' eyes shot open and he sat up trying to untangle himself from the blankets. He threw them off and gasped for air, looking around fearfully, but the fear dwindled when he realized he was back in his room sitting on the floor. He sighed with relief. It was only a dream, just a bad dream.

He looked over at his alarm clock, the time, 6:30am glowed brightly in his dim room, and he noticed it was light outside. Roxas finally got to his feet, the dream still with him. The things the angel had said were beginning to sink in, and as much as Roxas hated to admit it, the angel was right.

Feeling almost determined, Roxas went about getting ready for the day. After he showered and got dressed he went downstairs to ear breakfast, but he got a surprise when he entered the kitchen. Cloud was sitting at the table drinking coffee. He looked up when Roxas walked in and raised an eyebrow.

"What are you doing up so early? Sora's not even up."

Roxas rolled his eyes and put in some toast. "Sora's never up around this time, and he's never up when he's supposed to be. What difference does it make?"

Cloud opened his mouth to argue against that then shut it again, deciding Roxas had a point.

"So you're working this morning I take it?"

Cloud nodded.. "Yeah. How'd you know?"

"You're drinking coffee." Roxas pointed out. "You never drink coffee unless you need to stay awake."

Cloud sighed. "Or wake up. Urg, I really don't want to go."

"Because Leon's not going to be there, right?"

"Roxas?"

"Hm?"

"Eat your toast."

The younger blond grinned and started to spread some peanut butter on his toast. There was a shuffle noise and a cute yawn. Both brothers blinked and turned to look. There stood Sora in his boxers, a dazed sleepy expression on his face.

"Is Riku here yet?"

Cloud and Roxas blinked.

"Um…no?"

"'Kay." Sora scratched his head and yawned again. He turned and walked out, muttering something about rabid squirrels.

Cloud had an 'ok then…' look on his face. "Well that was weird."

Roxas blinked again and nodded. "Yep."

Both boys sat in silence for a few minutes thinking about the randomness that was Sora.

"I wonder if we'll see a shark." Cloud said out of nowhere and Roxas looked up and just stared at him.

"Unbelievable…"

"Hm? What is?"

"You. You're just as bad as Sora."

Cloud grinned and put on a dazed sleepy look, mocking Sora. "Is Riku here yet?"

Roxas was taking a drink of his milk when Cloud did that and nearly sprayed it across the table. He swallowed quickly, some milk going down the wrong way. He started coughing and pounded his chest.

Just when Cloud was starting to panic, Roxas gasped for air and let out a string of giggles. Cloud knew he was all right.

"Did that amuse you?"

Roxas wiped his eyes and grinned, "You looked soooo much like Sora when you did that!"

Cloud chuckled and drank the rest of his coffee then looked at his watch. "Well, it's 7:00. I'm going to get the idiot up." He made that same face sending Roxas into another fit of giggles. The older blond shook his head slowly and walked out.

Once Roxas was alone and a little calmer did he begin to think over his plan for that morning.

* * *

Roxas was feeling nervous as he walked up to Axel's locker and stood there waiting. The toast felt heavy in his stomach, and was slowly rising to his throat. He swallowed hard and took a deep breath expecting to see the redhead at any time. But he never came. Roxas didn't want to admit it but he was beginning to worry. Sure Axel didn't like school, but he always came to bug the blond in some way or the other. Five minutes passed and the bell rang.

Axel never came.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** So there it is. My story heavily inspired by Nsync's _I Drive Myself Crazy._ I know, it's not exactly the happiest thing I've ever written but I wanted to contribute to this day in some way.

...And as always, screw the damn editor. I give up with it. Seriously. _Sigh_.

 **Fun facts** : I was originally planning to finish chapter 6 of _Help Me Remember_ but I got too frustrated with it, got even more stuck, and dropped it. Also, this story as originally written in 2007. Can you spot the differences in my writing? Do you think I've improved since then or just gotten worse? I'll leave that up to you guys to decide.

But for now, I have to get my butt ready for a very long and busy day at work, so... Happy AkuRoku Day everyone! ^^


End file.
